sooo, this weekend was on the hectic side you can say. first...i totally lied to my team and coach telling them i had to fly back home because of a family emergency...i really didn't wanna miss our game against UH, but i did...and we won which was great. cause fuckin' people in the rec were so sure we were gonna get our ass whooped. assholes.
so...monique and i drive to beaumont so i could be with michelle this weekend and it was nothing like i planned. nothing like i saw it would be. i mean, i was hella fuckin' excited to see her. but i just wanted to be with her. nobody else. i mean, monique was automatic, but i wanted to just be with michelle. friday night we went over to cassie? and chenelles? house to hang out for a bit...i was pretty irritated already cause my phone froze up. fuckin' iPHONE man. i swear i wanted to chunk that bitch out the window. maybe it's just me...but if i were to introduce michelle to my friends...i'd introduce her as my girlfriend not just michelle...fuuuuck that irritated me. i meannnn damn. then i kinda peeped game when her and her friends were talking in code. like wtf. i was lost, but i'm not a fucking idiot bro. and it really irritates me when monique and michelle like crack jokes and shit...like it reaaaaally gets to me, and i know it should'nt but damn, when it happens every single time they're together it gets hella irritating. but anywhooo. so after going to cassie and chenelle's? house we go over "so so" house...liiiike whooooa. and again...introduced as everyone cause there was too many people. pft. really? like, maybe it's just me...and it probably is...but i kinda pissed me off. like, number one...i didn't go to beaumont to be around all this nigga's. i went for one specific reason, and it wasn't to be sitting at "so so" house. it was to be with michelle. thennn, the whole entire time...she didn't say shit to me. i mean, i understand those are your friends; i totally understand...but yeah. you can see them during the week. you can't see me every single day.
it was just so frustrating 'cause like i told her i'd like be more closer to her and show more affection(if that's the word)*like she asked* but i was never given the chance. when we were at home she was all pissed off, and when we were out, she was all distant from me. like i really didn't know what to do. saturday i knew she was going to be busy with her frat; we already talked about that...and i know shit comes up that she can't control, but it just sucked. i just wanted it to be a her and i weekend. and i can understand saturday not going good cause her cousin and one of her brothers from her frat passed. and to go along with that...this guy from my church passed away at 4pm saturday. ]: it was pretty fucking crazy. we were pretty close. he never missed a game of mine. he was there from the scrimmages to the playoff games. ]':
my emotions are just all fucked around. anddddd then, like...i sent her a comment what friday afternoon before i left...yeah, she deleted it off her page. now...i just wanna know like why the fuck can't our relationship be out there? i don't give a shit about her exes having shit to say. they can kiss my motherfucking ass. they know shit about me, i know shit about them...other than them being fuckin psychotic. like, fuckin' let our relationship be a relationship. i don't like being in the closet. it's stupid. i want people to know. i want to tell people, "oh yeah, this is michelle and she's my GIRLFRIEND." i don't wanna be denied damnit. michelle has made me the happiest in fuckin' months! i don't really think she realizes it. and like...i want us to be closer too; as she asked. just with her going to monique before she comes to me, it sucks. it's like she thinks she can't talk to me. but when i'm upset and she asks what's wrong...i tell her...it may take a minute, but i do tell her. she doesn't. she just says, "nothing" or "nothings wrong." anddd sometimes i do believe there's nothing wrong...but it just seems like it. idk, i don't like to see anyone sad/mad/upset. i try to do things to make people feel better and it doesn't seem to work. like nothing i say or do is ever good enough. ]: that feeling is the worst.
gahhh, but besides all the fucked up attitudes*and even mine...when i saw her smiling and lauhging(even when i was being made fun of) it made me so happy. seeing her smile is fuckin' amazing. it makes me feel that much better.
i just hope the next time we're together...it's nothing like this weekend. i hope it's more laughs, more smiles, more jokes(unfortunately), and more affection shown.
i already missed her when i shut the door to her room. /:
ps. i just wanna tell her she has nothing to be nervous about for starting to fall for me. i've been falling for her. and i can definitely see myself falling in love with her. she's out of this world great.
pss. fuck that swear jar. :D
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