i'ma take you to the top.

practice today was terrible. i've never experienced a practice THAT bad. so bad that my coach pulled me out of practice asking what was wrong. like dayum, i must have really been fuckin' up. so, we're doing this rebounding drill, and mind you...i'm not the best rebounder. so, we're doing this rebounding drills, and i'm catching elbows left and right from vi, so i'm already fucking pissed. then, i can like feel myself almost giving up. fuckin' jermey keeps yelling, "JACKSON, BOX OUT!" or "JACKSON, REBOUND!" or "JACKSON" i'm like FUCK dude. so time passes, and we're just rotating. then, jermey tells everyone to shoot a one an one and takes me outside the gym and asks what's up with me. i'm like man, i'm about to break down and cryy. ]: he tells me that i have all the potential in the world to play on a higher level and not just club team. he told me that three men from the tomball game asked him why #33(me) isn't playing on the varsity team, and jermey tells 'em, "idk, i don't think she wants to." and that right there just broke my heart cause i do want to. i've always dreamt of playing college ball. having my friends and family watching me and coming to my games, but instead i'm playing club ball. don't get me wrong, i love each and every one of my teammates, but playing for real deal college ball has been my dream since i was little. but anywho. so, he tells me that he doesn't plan to be coaching me next year because i should be playing with the varsity team. jermey told me i have a shot outta this world which makes me feel good, but yeah. i made the first cut when try outs came along, and then got cut a week after 'cause i have asthma and they don't wanna be liable. buncha fuckers. but yeah, he says when i'm "ready" to play on the varisty team i'll play. it's not even that i'm not putting forth effort, 'cause i bust my ass during practice it's just like...i don't have any motivation. very few people know how i think on the court. know how i play, and understand how i play, and without them i just feel lost. i talk to those people everyday, but it's so different when you're actually practicing and playing with them during every practice and during every game. lesleigh's head is in her ass. jay is hecka busy with offseason and everything and they're the only two who know my game. so it's like fuckkkk. but todayyy, i was just so frustrated. ]: