unoffical.

this feeling of being unofficial with you hurts so bad. when we first met, when we first got together, when we first broke up...i knew i'd never love anyone like i love you. when you asked if we'd ever get back together, i said, "probably not, cause i don't do long distance relationships." but i was full of shit. i wanted to be with you, i wanted to say yes. i was probably afraid of getting cheated on. we're thousands of miles apart, and although i trust you with every thing inside of my body, shit happens. years have passed and i'm still madly in love with. i possibly came back too late wanting you in my life. but when i saw you for the first time during the summer; everything felt so damn right. we argued, and although i wanted to hate you when you went back home, i couldn't. in the back of my head i always ask myself, "why'd i leave her for a zero, she's everything i ever wanted." when you came back during christmas i didn't think you'd leave me again. i didn't want you to. i wanted to start my whole life over again with you. everything just felt so complete. and you had to leave once again... every single day i can't be with you i hurt more and more. the heartbreaks don't even compare to me not even being able to see you everday. now, it just seems like i can't do anything or say anything to you to get you back. i want to be the one to get your mind off of someria 'cause i know she fucking hurt you so much. i want to be the one you wanna spend the rest of your life with. i want you to be the one i come home to in the evening. the one to make you laugh and smile; the one to just piss you off. the only one i want to argue with, i want you to be the only one who can make everything all better.
now that you're with lauren, i fell so deep into a hole. i sometimes feel like i'm not good enough for you. i mean, you and someria are over, but you go and get with lauren. i always ask myself, "what the hell are you doing wrong?" i try so hard to keep you happy. i don't know what else i can do. and it scares me so much to know you're with her...because what if you do fall in love with her...what if you do starting diggin' her, and ya'll stay together? what if...what if you start talking about your future with her? what...what if she replaces everything we've ever had? that's what i'm most afraid of. even know ya'll just got together...everyday i'm wondering if you're giving her the same look you give me? if you're kissing her the way you kiss me? if you hold her the same way you hold me? if you laugh with her, like you laugh with me? if you hug her tight like you hug me? if you're telling her she's beautiful like you tell me? maybe i'm being selfish, but i don't want you telling her the same things you tell me. i wanna be the only one you do and say things to*relationship wise. if you're laying with her like we've laid together? if you're fuckin' her? if she's met your mom, if your mom will like her more than she likes me? all these things run through my mind nonstop. you're the only one on this earth who i let break my heart continuously and not leavee. i know you don't mean it, and i know you make mistakes... i just wish everyday that you were mine again. you're the only one who probably knows me better than anyone else walking this earth. you can do and say the things that can completey make my day.
people who know my situation tell me everyday to get over you, she's hurting you, she's taking advantage of you, she's not grateful for you, she's not in love with you like you're in love with her...and i know it's allllll bullshit. i hear it everyday...and i still don't doubt us. they don't know what we've been through...they don't know what we have...and they will never understand.
everything we've talked about dealing with our future...i want it to happen already 'cause i know it will.
i want to make you happy. i want to be the one you wake up to in the morning. i want to be the one to wash for you, cook for you, spoil you, shop for you, clean up after you, do everything for you. absolutely everything. i want to be your everything, and i want you to be my everything.
and i'll always be here waiting for you...waiting for you to come back to me for good.
i love you, princess.